the movement between a and b

right. i woke up this morning around 5.40 am feeling sore and stiff from a short and bad night sleep and i went to work, sleeping on the train and the metro for a while then waking up and – presumably – staring gloomily at the thousands of busy people around me, during my half an hour wait at the train station. work was ok. i was not bothered. when i got home i felt the pang again. it comes hard and short with a fading fatiguing finish these times, not continuously as it used to do in the first two weeks. so i watched this travel documentary with ewan mcgregor and charly boorman to have some fun. and as i followed their testing trip through mongolia and saw how desperate they became because nothing worked out, everything was constantly wet and cold and breaking down and their support team having a heavy car accident in the middle of the desert with time running and all  — i really really really wished i could have switched places. it is like you just want to be in some horrible place that can mentally and physically take you away from the things that are on your mind. it’s bad enough i won’t be able to find a good job abroad as i had planned; being stuck here with those ghosts of mine that is fucking torture. i realize i don’t long for place (cons ‘a ‘(b c d)) and so on, i just need the inbetween. not hildesheim, not berlin, not bavaria, but the feel of movement between those stops.
it drives me crazy. – no no no, I myself drive me crazy.

by G Kramer

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